Trigger warning: this blog has themes of sexual assault and abuse so Discretion is advised.
As many of you know not only am I a fabulous upside down pineapple princess but I have also been a stripper for over 2 years now with a combined 10 years in the sex work industry. Over the course of my years in sex work I have seen lots of changes in the industry. One thing I'm seeing a lot more of in the swingers club is women who are not sex workers or strippers pretending to be strippers at the swingers club.
There have been so many times where I have been out at the sex club, dancing on my man, or maybe 2 men, and women have stopped me and asked me to teach them pole tricks.
Why would I want to teach someone pole tricks on my off time? If you're a doctor would you want to perform surgery on your off time? Maybe you're an insurance agent, would you want me to ask you questions about my life insurance policy when I'm out with my friends trying to enjoy my night out? Also I'm not a pole instructor, therefore I don't have the proper training to properly teach anyone pole tricks.
I've also noticed a lot of women asking where I get my shoes from. On many occasions I wear my old dance shoes to the club, well not to the club because wearing pleasers outside of the strip club in some areas is actually against the law and I can be fined for it. I pack them in my bag and bring them in because at most swingers club you have to stand in line outside the main entrance. I let them know they are my work shoes and a few weeks later I see a ton of women in the swingers club wearing the same pair of pleasers.
Strip Club Culture
For many years strip clubs and sex workers have had alot of influence on pop culture, media and fashion. Something that doesn't sit right with me is swingers will work their 9-5 vanilla jobs, have a normal everyday life, and of course during their normal 9-5 life demonize sex workers and dancers, yes I've heard swingers say things like 'why would I go to a strip club when I can get pussy on my own?' , then on the other hand, they want to dress like us on the weekend at the sex club. We see many fashion brands using that to their advantage(this isn't just with swingers but with all culture) and use stripper attire as fashion. You can literally buy the quintessential clear stripper heel on many fashion websites. To your average Jane this probably seems like a harmless thing to do, but based on the dangers and harm sex workers and strippers face this is pretty problematic to me. The main reason why this is problematic in a swingers setting is because swingers are supposed to be sex positive, isn't being sex positive also about unlearning stigma associated with not only monogamy but sex work culture as well? Historically, Sex workers are the ones on the front lines advocating for the rights of women, the queer community and non monogamous individuals. Then when sex workers and strippers speak up about the appropriation of our culture and fashion, we get dismissed. I posted a video a few months ago on social media asking swingers to please stop wearing pleasers because the quality and quantity of our work uniform has gone down and I was met with extreme dissmissal. People(especially 'sex positive' women) told me I was being dramatic and they should be allowed to do and wear what they want and I was being entitled. I was accused of being a gatekeeper and that I was being "dramatic". They told me they could wear what they wanted and they weren't causing harm and I was just playing the victim.
Newsflash: Sex work is still illegal in 49 states and strippers are still a marginalized group.
Strippers are faced with dangers every single day, dangers that include but are not limited to sexual assault, emotional abuse, abuse of power, and in some cases even death. I have friends who have been held at gun point, women I've known who have been killed just for being in this industry. We are stalked, raped, molested, physically assaulted and work in an abusive environment. Am I blaming swingers for this? No, but I'm letting you know it does happen so cosplaying as a stripper for "funsies" is offensive especially coming from a group of people who are supposedly "sex positive".
So yes, wearing pleasers is harmful to us. Not only because of the stigma associated with these types of shoes but as a result of the demand for stripper shoes from swingers and civilians , the quality of Pleaser Heels and other dance shoe brands have declined. Since 2020 I have seen not only a decline in quality but now that they are in high demand I can't get them in my size. One of my worries is that we will see a large demand for stripper shoes from people who aren't strippers and those companies will increase the price of our uniform shoes, which btw we pay for all of our uniforms out of pocket.
The farther this goes the more dehumanized sex workers feel. Especially when they are being told "it's not that big of a deal". We are treated as a joke , as a cutesy trend to use in 'sex positive spaces'. You all want to pretend to be strippers so bad without the actual harm and work. This is not just a harmless trend because in 2024 sex workers are a still a very marginalised and a stigmatised community. In 2024 stakes have never been higher, look at all the internet bills censoring sex workers, and as time goes on strippers are faced with police brutality and violence against them. This is especially worse for sex workers of color and those in the trans and queer community.
We live in fear while you're living it up on the weekends in your trendy edgy stripper outfits and pleaser heels.
So what's the solution?
It's sad to say this but based on the feedback I've gotten from previous conversations on this people even those within 'sex positive communities' don’t view strippers as human beings. We are working a job in order to survive. People have said "get a better job" without understanding the implications of that statement. People say 'quit complaining and get a real job', I'm sorry is my job not a real job, I clock in, I pay taxes and I pay to work at the club I work at so I can provide a service the men and women that go in there. In reality the "Realness” of a job is not determined by the amount of money you make, or having benefits(which we don't have), or a college degree. It is based on what feels right for me, I enjoy entertaining, providing intimacy and affection to those in need as well as the art of dance. I refuse to let my soul be eaten alive because of societies expectations of me. My job allows me to spend my days being a mother to my son, and to pursue my content creating career. My job allows me to embrace my creativity and give back to other women in my industry, to help heal men and provide a fantasy for people.
The reality is Stripping is a real job and not a trend. And yes my job comes with a lot of risks. When an ice road trucker complains about the risks of their job do you say "stop crying and get a real job", no you don't. So as long as our job is stigmatized and criminalized some sex workers are going to take issue with you wearing our style. When you tell us to "get over it" you are subjecting us to whorephobia. We are allowed to feel some type of way when we see you glamorizing our fashion trends.
If swingers want to look like strippers so badly, the least you can do is advocate to make our work lives safer, and advocate for us. You can donate to sex work and sexual freedom orginizations who work to decriminalize sex work and stop online censorship against sex workers. The same orginizations that help you as non monogamous individuals gain visibility and become less stigmatized. The same orginizations who keep you from losing your job and fight to keep your online swinger communities so you can thrive. If you want to be more sex positive then be an ally to us. Take off the pleasers, get off the pole and support your local sex worker. Take a trip to the strip club before your evening at the swingers club, get out $100 in 1s and make it rain on those girls. At the very least if you're using our aesthetic please make sure you are supporting the working women.
Support sex workers, get off the pole unless you're at a pole fit studio ( one that supports sex workers of course) and take off the damn pleasers.
Kiley