Disclaimer:
The content of this blog post is intended for mature audiences and discusses topics related to OnlyFans and swinging. The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of any other creator. Please approach the triggering topic with an open mind and respect for diverse perspectives. This post is not intended to offend, but rather to spark open and respectful conversations about sensitive topics. Reader discretion is advised. Please note some of the topics discussed may be triggering, this post is not meant to harm but it is meant to help our community grow. Keep that in mind before reading on.
It’s August 2020, Covid is rampant, I’m bartending at a restaurant with limited hours, and money is incredibly tight. Many of my friends are talking about how they are doing great on onlyfans so I decide to look into it. I talk with my partner about creating one and he’s less than thrilled, but we decide it could be fun and could potentially spice things up. I do as much research as I can scouring the internet with the extra hours in the day that I have and learn all I can about online sex work. I go with the persona Kali Nicole BBW, I get some boudoir pictures done and I start posting on Reddit, Twitter, Instagram and I begrugenly make a TikTok account. For a few months my partner and I try doing onlyfans and after family and friends finding out we come to the realization that the extra $100 a month isn’t worth the risk. We let it go and don’t really think about it for a while.
In September 2021, a well known, infamous, swinger content creator(she's no longer a swinger or on tiktok) reaches out to me via TikTok. You see, I continued creating on TikTok because I enjoyed creating authentic, fun content and I had actually built up a following to about 80,000 followers. By this point in time my partner and I have started our swinger journey and were well known swinger content creators on tiktok. The creator and I started texting back and forth, she encouraged me to start my onlyfans back up because, she was in her words “making a killing”, and I should get back into it, she said we could make a lot of money together and it could be fun to share my sexy adventures online and get paid for it. By this time I had connected with some other swinger content creators, like Dan and Lacy(the swing nation), BangBangPineappleGang, SNM, 4OURPLAY and I won’t name the other. The Swing Nation and Bella from 4OURPLAY came up with the idea to create a Discord to connect like minded swingers and create an online platform where we could freely share our onlyfans links, as well as plan events together. These were the early days of The Swinger Society Discord. Bella did much of the hard work and created the separate rooms, she really built it from the ground up because she is incredibly tech savvy. We all formed somewhat of an alliance, sharing social media tips, helping boost eachothers content and some of them even started collaborating for onlyfans and social media. I remember when everyone planned the first big event together at a small club in Nashville. I was so new at creating and they had all talked about collaborating, but made it very clear me and one of the other creators would not be involved in the onlyfans content. At first I felt let down, being so new in the onlyfans space I saw it as a let down, but also being a swinger I was very happy to connect with like minded people who were passionate about education and destigmatizing swinging. I decided not to go to the first event and I wasn't formally invited to the second event, which again I was let down but not entirely upset over because I understand the nature of swinging and that it is sexual in nature. I can't expect everyone to have an attraction to me because I'm a swinger who makes onlyfans content. My hope was that friendships could be formed and that was and always was the only expectation I ever had. It still started me off with a bad taste in my mouth for content creation. I realize sex and creating content can be very nuanced, I also realized people are entitled to consent and entitled to have sex with who they want to have sexual encounters with. I never once blamed anyone for their choices not to create content with me in those early days, and I wasn't being left out of all content, just the sex content. They did the right thing by setting a boundary with me in a healthy way. We continued connecting until eventually all the hosts met at Secrets in early 2022, which was an incredible experience. I thought everyone was so kind, beautiful and we all connected great. Friendships were made stronger and new ones were formed.
By now I was full on onlyfans content creating, Brad and I were traveling and creating content with other swingers and even a unicorn.
I really felt like you all needed a backstory to understand where I came from and where I’m going with this, so you can see how nuanced swinging and content creating can really be. It's not black and white it's very grey.
I’m going to give my experiences, from my point of view no one else’s. I want to make it clear that the views expressed here are mine and mine alone. Others have their own experiences with content creating and swinging, this is mine.
For a long time onlyfans helped us through difficult times and gave us the opportunity to travel and see all of our new friends and connect with our new community. We were traveling, making content, feeling sexy, and it even helped us boost our sex life a bit because we enjoyed making good, hot content and the cameras helped me do better at the sex acts because I was on film. The first few events we did were super fun, until doing onlyfans felt like a chore for us. Many of our swinging experiences were now being filmed, some of these films took hours, with pauses, and on the inside I always felt like something was off. I also remember feeling the extra sting when being rejected for creating content. There was one time at an event when a few of the people I had previously worked with, people I considered friends, were creating some sexy content. It wasn't full on sexual content, it was more like TikTok's and lingere pictures. Only select people were invited, as one of the girls felt uncomfortable making content even with the husbands watching. I understood her concern, but I felt really hurt by it. I felt the extra sting of rejection because these were all people in a normal setting that were my peers and people I had helped build up in so many ways. It felt like a betrayal and like my friends and people I cared about were saying I wasn't worthy or good enough to create content with. I felt like maybe my body wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t pretty enough in lingerie, or that I didn’t have enough subs for them to monetize off of. This bothered me way more than if someone had rejected me in a normal swinger setting. Not only did I not feel good enough to swing with, but I felt like it was because of numbers and status which made me feel really crappy. I remember crying my eyes out to a friend about it. She also felt left out and rejected. I remembered thinking to myself this isn't what the lifestyle is all about, of course consent is important but what's the harm in making a few cute dancing TikTok's together? What's the harm in taking vanilla photos with everyone so we all feel included? That’s when it became real for me, this is a business and it was a business choice, not a personal choice. Well why did I still feel so shitty? This feeling continued on, it almost turned into a theme for me. Every time my friends would collaborate with others and not me I found myself still feeling that sting of rejection, like I had in that hotel room in Atlanta. It brought me back to those feelings of not feeling good enough. Those are scars left by others, not by them, actually they were doing nothing wrong. It’s business, they had to be able to market to their fans and audience, and I had to start to learn to be ok with the fact that I just may not fit their business model. That's what's hard about all this, swinging is about being inclusive, not about monetizing off of who has the most subs on their onlyfans page. Swinging is a lifestyle, not a business. Well now it was clear to me it's a business and I was just gonna have to accept that and be ok with not being involved.
I would reach out to fellow content creators, and they would reject me in a nice way of course, but at the end of the day I felt it harder than just in a swinger setting. I often wondered if content wasn’t involved if things would have been different. If follower count didn't matter, if percentages didn't matter and if social status didn't matter, would I still be getting rejected so often? That sting of rejection almost pushed me to succeed more. It was like the people pleaser in me thought, maybe if I have more followers, more promotions and work harder less people will reject my collaborations and I will get to finally reap the benefits of all this hard work. Once I was able to get out of my head, and not put so much into collaborations and content creating swinging became more fun for me. I was getting to a point of feeling balanced, less rejection and I wasn’t being so hard on myself. Until the tables turned on me.
oh, how the turntables.
Last year we were scheduled to go to a Content creators event in Nashville. We wanted to balance it out, not put to much on our plate, while also having fun and natural, organic swinging experiences with friends. I reached out to a friend to create content, they agreed, and we had planned on creating content at the event. Mind you, this was during my heavy drinking days. We get to the club and we hit it off with a few other couples who we had never met. My partner and I decide to create content with them, because things were moving organically with them and everything seemed really comfortable and just natural. By the time we were done my friend had left. She was incredibly upset and felt rejected, like she wasn’t good enough, which was not at all the case. I knew her feeling all too well, I knew the feeling she felt in the pit of her stomach. The unworthiness, the sadness and sting of rejection and the pain of feeling not good enough. I felt horrible, I never meant to make someone feel bad, but that’s business right? I truly hated that feeling, I hated that I hurt someone, I hated that I was hurt and it all revolved around one thing, that God damned blue and white page. I resented that stupid page, I felt like it was tainting my swinger experiences, and it was.
I was feeling unworthy, I was feeling rejected, I continued to see more and more people create the onlyfans pages, create collaborations, while I was over here hating all of it. The only content at this point that I was ok with was organic, unplanned content. I felt damned if I planned it because what if it didn’t work out? I didn’t want someone to count on me when I wanted to have authentic fun swinging experiences with my friends. I felt damned if I didn’t plan it because now I wasn’t getting any content. I was so jaded by this point that I didn’t even want to reach out to other creators. I had been rejected so many times, so I was afraid to continue to put myself out there. With regular swinging it just felt different. It felt more fun and natural, it felt like no one owed anyone anything and we didn’t need to have any expectations of eachother. Oh that’s the problem right there, you see planning collaborations means there are expectations. People are relying on eachother to collaborate, the focus is turned to the expectation not the actual experience itself. The whole point of the lifestyle is not to have any expectations, when we place expectations on others and they let us down we are contuing to hurt ourselves. Our rejection and trauma triggers are not their responsibility to heal, they are ours.
I took some time away from creating, I felt like the rejection, and the fact that I was putting expectations on others and others were expecting things from me, that content creating for onlyfans was affecting my mental health. I decided to put a pause on creating onlyfans content until I was ready to get back into it. I’m still waiting for that day to come.
The morals and ethics of it all
The moral of the story is there’s absolutely nothing wrong with creating onlyfans content and being a swinger. It seems actually pretty natural that we would share our sexual experiences with others. As a creator I think it’s important to be upfront about collaborations ans be honest with others about your intentions. I believe that communication is the most important thing when it comes to content creation as a swinger. Everyone should be on the same page and make a decision about whether or not they want to participate in content creation. I think for me personally it’s best that I stick to the educational realm of content creation, as to not perpetuate my own imposters syndrome which is literally what all of this is about. My own feelings of inadequacy, which were fueling me to work harder, be more successful because again imposters syndrome.
I think it’s important to note that everyone is allowed to experience the lifestyle in the way that makes them feel good. If content creation, dressing sexy, having sexual encounters on camera and sharing them with the world make you feel good, do that. This is my caveat and really my only one, remember that being an onlyfans creator and a swinger does not mean you’re a ‘swinger educator’, believe me I am extremely guilty of using my educational platform to funnel people to my onlyfans, listen y’all a girls gotta eat. We all gotta feed ourselves. The caveat I have with this in particular is it feels like we are monetizing off of this beautiful lifestyle and oversexualizing it for the sake of getting subs to onlyfans. Don’t get me wrong, I am a super sexual person, but I’m also realistic and, a lot of this is performative. As it’s meant to be, we are performers, literally porn actors. So be that, be authentic in that, many creators balance that. For example there is a very popular porn performer and swinger Kristi Kream, she is her authentic self and I have never once seen her saying she’s an educator of the lifestyle. Same thing with other widely popular performers like Lexi Nicole(Gio and Lexi) and Ally Heart Shaped Nips, all of these women are incredible humans, they are swingers who also create porn. They mix the two but they aren’t selling to you that they are educators, they are selling their high quality swinging interactions. I have a lot of respect for them because of that. When many porn creators who were also swingers saw what we were doing they saw that it was a way to monetize off of the lifestyle. Nearly exploiting a whole community for the sake of selling their onlyfans. It has gotten so bad I've had to block other creators for stealing my educational content to then flip it and monetize off of their onlyfans. The part that caused a lot of anguish for me was that I was advocating for this lifestyle, and still am, yet I felt like I was pushing a narrative that all swingers are just having orgy fuckfests every time we get together and all we care about is how nice we look in a bikini. Other swingers saw how that went for us, causing them to have a skewed idea of what swinger content creating was going to be. They thought we found quick success by pushing a narrative that we were educating people, while also funneling them to our onlyfans. That can be, and still is harmful for the community. You have brand new swingers, who are just learning to navigate the lifestyle telling people they are educators and advocates of the lifestyle. It’s the blind leading the blind which can be dangerous especially in cases of consent and communication. Mind you I was one of the main characters in this type of content creation. I never should have been calling myself an educator before I had any real knowledge of the lifestyle other than my own experiences which wasn't a lot because I started content creating about swinging a day after I had my first full swap. So I am not afraid to admit I was, and have been a huge part of this problem. Not to mention the strain content creating puts on your mental health and own experiences with swinging. I’ve seen many seasoned swingers develop relationship issues because of content creating. It can also put a strain on family relationships, and you can even lose custody of your children if you aren’t careful. I’ve also seen creators lose jobs, not because they are swingers but because they are swingers having sex on the internet for everyone to see. It’s not safe for eveeyone to do, but when we perpetuate this narrative that it’s all dollar signs and unicorns people will see that, and think it’s safe for them to do when it really isn’t. Content creating for onlyfans and social media needs to be very thought out by you and your partner. The pros and cons need to be weighed out because the reality is it's still not safe for swingers to be out and proud because it's something that is still very stigmatized. Another huge issue I see with content creating and swinging has alot to do with how it can reinforce negative stereotypes that all swingers are models, and of course that all women are bi and we play with eachother in a very performative way. As a queer person, that makes me feel icky and it's appropriating queer culture even if others don't see it that way, to a queer bisexual person, using my sexuality in a performative way for the male gaze is appropriating to the community who ran so that we could walk. That's not even getting into the fact that bisexual female content is ok but bisexual male content is still extremely hidden and stigmatized. Also I’ve noticed alot of content creators don’t understand that most people in the lifestyle are here to have fun and be social. Before I started content creating I felt like swinging used to be a safe place where you could have fun with likeminded individuals who all prioritized consent, privacy and of course good sex with people they actually like. It feels like as a content creator I couldn’t have private swinger experiences because private swinger experiences don’t make money and aren’t good for my onlyfans business. I’m of the thought process now in my journey that once you start to monetize or have ‘transactional sex’, it’s no longer about the shared experiences of swinging. It then becomes about something else, and something that to me does not feel ethical. Am I saying it’s unethical to create content as a swinger? No, but it's all how you do it, how you market yourself and to me it doesn’t feel ethical. As much as we want to pretend it’s ok, and pretend it’s healing us and helping us feel more empowered in reality it’s profiting off desire and fantasies. Our lifestyle is a fantasy and that’s what we’re selling to people. In a way it’s a manipulation of sexuality over others for monerization.
Appropriating Sex Workers and Swinging
It's also very appropriating to sex workers. Yet another community who ran so we could walk. People who have built careers out of sex work survival only to have their jobs flooded with amateurs who don't understand the hardships of survival sex work. It's like the swingers who buy pleasers because they look nice with their outfits, they are cosplaying a sex worker without dealing with the societal stigmas and hardships of being an actual sex worker. Like being sexually assaulted, exploited and abused by men and women at your job. Sex work is not just some fun thing you can cosplay, and it's not for everyone. It takes a lot of emotional strength and lots of education of consent and boundaries which for sex workers takes time and having to do it out of survival.
Just like stripping, onlyfans modeling is sex work. People have every right to pursue those things, but we shouldn’t make the confusion of sex work and swinging. Many people have messaged me asking if they need to make an onlyfans to become a swinger. That's not to say you can't do both, look at me, I'm a stripping swinger, but when I go to work I'm a stripper not a swinger. You can do both, but just don't forget about the sexual freedom movement as a whole. Sexual freedom is about advancing the rights of everyone in the movement not just swingers. It's about advancing women's sexual and reproductive rights, trans and lgbtqia+ rights, sex workers rights and everyone in non monogamous and kink spaces this includes marginalized groups like POC and bisexual males.
So how does this story end?
I do believe being a content creator in the onlyfans space and being a swinger can be a good thing, I think it can help women and men feel empowered and sexy. It can be lucrative as well as a fun hobby you can do with your partner. Many women have gained confidence and found themselves as part of the body positivity movement which in return helps others feel good in their own bodies. Onlyfans creation and swinging is not always a bad thing. It can be super fulfilling, help you find financial freedom and it gives you a flexible schedule to do what you love doing. Honestly, looking back I wish I could have made swinging and onlyfans work for me. That’s not to say I never will, my onlyfans is still up, I sometimes do post sexy pictures, and I have no plans of taking it down anytime soon because that would make a lot of friends’ life’s difficult. It’s like being the one who accidentally gives all your friends an std, yes it can be easily dealt with but who wants to go through the hassle of dealing with it?
I want to end this by saying the thoughts and opinions expressed are those of mine and mine alone. I am in no way shape or form shaming anyone for their choice to create content on onlyfans as a swinger, I am not the president of the council on swinger morals and ethics. I think as long as everyone is consenting what you do is up to you. If someone is an onlyfans creator and in the lifestyle that won’t stop me from connecting with them or befriending them. I'm just giving you my story, my views and my opinions on what I've learned from my perspective. If this blog entry helps just one person grow, self reflect or consider if content creating is right for them then that’s all I want. I want people to learn and grow from my experiences as they watch me grow.